Get ready for some of the world’s cutest – but deadliest animals

In nature death can come in many unexpected shapes and sizes. That is why it is possibly best to forget all you learned about animals from cartoons and remember that mother nature has a habit of giving its most dangerous animals the body of a Disney character.

Here you will find a collection of dangerous (poisonous) animals that are all deceptively cute, gorgeous and harmless looking but could still destroy you without breaking a sweat. Okay, let’s not draw this out any longer and get right down to the hyperventilating and cursing at nature, shall we?

1. Slow Loris


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Come on look at that little fellow. The Slow Loris is basically the definition of Disney-cute. With it’s adorable bulbous eyes, they are the kind of animal you will want to take home and cuddle for hours on end.


Besides being one of the cutest mammals on the planet, it’s also the most poisonous… The Slow Loris produces a toxin on the inside of its elbows through a gland, which they smear on their young, to help keep them from being eaten in the wild. If you piss one off though then it’s pleading look — with it’s big round eyes — might be the last thing you will ever see. You see, the Slow Loris can suck it’s poison from their elbows into their mouths and attack with a potentially deadly venomous bite, if not properly treated.

2. Puffer Fish


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Awww… just look it. A fish so cute it actually seems to smile at the camera, almost like it’s auditioning for a part in the next Nemo movie. This is one creature that doesn’t need soft fur to be cuddly.


Besides being absolutely adorable, Puffer fish are also the second most poisonous vertebrates in the world, after the golden poison frog. Each Puffer Fish contains enough poison to kill 30 people (or 5 elephants) and there is no known antidote. Certain internal organs, such as the liver, are extremely toxic when eaten. Nevertheless, the meat of some species is considered a delicacy in Japan. I guess that is fitting for a country whose main export product is insanity.


3. Platypus


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This bizarre looking animal seems to be made from nature’s spare parts which were scattered on the workshop floor. When you see it you don’t know whether to hug it, laugh at it or both at the same time. Okay it has a duck bill, which isn’t supposed to be there on a mammal, but who cares when it looks as cute and fuzzy as this little guy? Oh, and their babies are called Puggles. Puggles for crying out loud!


The male platypus is the only known Australian mammal to be venomous. They have a pair of spurs on their hind legs that they use for defense and when competing for mates or breeding territories. In the days that these bizarre animals were hunted for fur, many dogs died after retrieving a wounded platypus from the water. The poison is not considered to be deadly to a healthy person. However, it will send you to the  the emergency room with a muscle-impaired pain that can last for months. “Spurring” can also cause quite some spectacular localised swelling.


4. Pfeffer’s Flamboyant Cuttlefish


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With a name that sounds like either a mixed drink or a gay bar, how can anyone be worried about this extravagant looking fish? Look at him! He’s so flamboyant, shiny and awesome. Hell, he’s just a butt implant away from leading the Carnival parade in Rio de Janeiro.

Cuttlefish are, in my humble opinion, some of the world’s most amazing creatures. They are simply magical. Their skin can literally turn any color or pattern in a blink of an eye, and they can even alter the texture of their skin, raising ridges and bumps or going smooth as glass depending on their needs. These incredible shapeshifters are also geniuses. Seriously, their  minds are a complex domain that science is only starting to explore. In short, they would make the perfect pet for aquarium owners.


Hold on there sparky. Remember, bright colours are nature’s way of saying “eat me and you’ll die an agonizing death”. You guessed it, the Pfeffer’s flamboyant cuttlefish is the only species of cuttlefish that is poisonous. We aren’t talking about the kind of poison that gives a slightly annoying rash either. No, it’s poison can result in nausea, respiratory arrest, heart failure, and can lead to death within minutes. Death is usually from suffocation due to lack of oxygen to the brain. Okay, so maybe we will just stick to that gold fish.


5. Spur Winged Goose aka Death by Toxin Goose



Geese are so goofy that it makes them irresistibly cute. Also, baby geese or Goslings, are without a doubt some of the cutest and fuzziest things to ever walked this earth on two legs, as you can see in the video below (warning cuteness overload!).


Hey: wouldn’t it be weird if some of these cute buggers were venomous? Well… guess what? The Spur Winged Goose is actually one of the most dangerous birds in the world. Weighing more then 7 kg, these large birds (not a goose in the strict sense but related) tend to be highly territorial and just happen to have a couple of razor-sharp spurs on their wings. It is also one of the few birds that is toxic. It’s not your average poison which gets injected and causes a horrible death, but it’s poison comes from the geese’s diet of toxic Blister Beetles.


6. Kittens…


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Off course there are people out there who don’t like kittens, those people are called terrorists. To anyone else, kittens are the little fuzzballs who who can reduce the most macho of men’s hollering into shrieks of girlish glee. So, what could possible be dangerous about something so ridiculously cute?


Well, kittens themselves aren’t dangerous but more so something they carry with them called Toxoplasmosis. Toxoplasmosis is not a toxin — but something maybe even far more sinister — a mind-controlling parasite. That’s right, we have entered the domain of  invasion of the bodysnatchers level terror. The parasite basically has one goal and that is to reproduce which they can only do inside of  a cat. In short, this is how it works: The parasites which reside in the cat require parasites that are formed in the intermediate hosts, such as rodents and birds. Now, this is where it gets creepy…

The parasite has the ability to change the behavior of its host. For example: infected rats and mice start behaving in ways that will bring them to the attention of cats, and draw them to the scent of cats instead of running from it. As you can imagine this makes invested rodents an easy lunch for cats, which works out great for the parasite who can then enter the cat’s body to reproduce with the host parasite. 

Humans can also get infected through the feces of cats, and while it doesn’t turn us into mindless zombies, research is starting to show that the parasite seems to affect our behaviour without us realising it. There’s a theory that Toxoplasma can make men more aggressive and jealous, and women more warm-hearted, conscientious about their looks, and promiscuous. Scientists are also just beginning to realize that Toxoplasma plays a part in schizophrenia. So yes, it will either drive you mad or maybe the expression “cats don’t have a master, they have a slave” rings more truth to it then most realise! 


7. Pandas


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Panda’s are so cute that tourists in China pay $120 just to hug them.


But is this really such a good idea? Sure a Panda looks like a walking, cushy pillow on which you would like to rest your head for eternity, but they are bears and bears can kill you. Just to quote the Smithsonian National Zoological Park“Many people find these chunky, lumbering animals to be cute, but giant pandas can be as dangerous as any other bear.”  

In short, pandas can fuck you up as badly as a grizzly can, with the only difference that they’ll look cute while doing it. For proof, check out the video!

So if you ever decide to get that picture of you hugging a panda, we recommend a safer alternative such as Photoshop. It saves you $120 and there’s no danger of getting mauled by your computer.