Is this the worlds most evil looking cat
Humans? You mean, slaves? ~Evil Cat Overlord

I believe the world is divided in two sorts of people. Those who absolutely adore cats and those who think cats are evil douche-bags. Even though I am a huge cat person myself, I have to admit that the latter group probably has a good case for cats being dicks.Cats have the uncanny ability to mess shit up, and look cute while doing it. What’s worse, is that cats often do that on purpose and the eons of domestic evolution have taught them to play its victim (you) like a fiddle…

The bizarre thing about cats is that they can basically produce two types of sound. The hair-raising “marwww” that seems to be bellowing from the depths of the underworld itself, and a super cute “meeow“, that could even make Charles Bronson’s eyes water. Interesting fact is that cats don’t meow to communicate with other cats (or any other animals for that matter), they only meow to communicate with humans. Cats have perfected the manipulative meow, in such a way, that it awakens the same emotions in us as when we hear the sound of a human baby crying for food. Since we’re no match for a cat’s masterful manipulation tactics, us gullible humans react to it by immediately doing whatever the hell Sir Fluffypants demands us to do.

In some cases this boils down to feeding them or fetch its catnip mouse. But in other cases they are just messing with our mind, knowing they will be forgiven for doing things that drive us batshit crazy, while secretly flipping us the middle finger. Below you will find examples of this sort of dick behavior, behavior that any cat owner will, no doubt, recognize instantly…


Cats don’t like you to do anything, unless it involves bringing food

“Stop Messing About and Feed Me!” ~Evil Cat
evil cats, doing evil things
That’s Right, I’m the Dick Who Posted all Your Facebook Comments in Caps!
evil cats doing evil things
Reading? How About Reading My Butt Until I See Some Food!
I Know You Have a 100m² Apartment, But I am Sitting Right Here!

Cats Don’t Like Anything or Anyone…

evil cats, doing evil things
Fuck You, Mouse!
evil cats doing evil things
Fuck You, Squirrel!
Evil cats doing evil things
Fuck You, Lizard!
evil cats doing evil things
Oh, and Eyeballs…
evil cats being evil
Also, Babies…

Cats are Masters of Destruction

evil cats doing evil things
Ok, I think the Kitchen is Right About Finished. Lets Move on to the Living Room…
evil cats destruction
Well That’s a Wrap, I Think the Horizontal Plants Really Tie the Room Together.
Evil cats doing evil deeds
I Wonder in How Many Pieces This Will Break…
Evil Cats showing evil behaviour
Look, I Made it Snow Inside!
Cats being evil
Did Cats Form a Global Pact to Ruin Our Blinds?

Cats Like to Leave You Surprises in the Most Horrid Places

Evil Cats acting evil

Look, I Made Smiley Face!
evil cats being evil
Let me Run a Nice Warm Bath for You…
Evil cats destruction
I Think it Breaks the White Nicely…
Evil cats being evil
So Close, Yet so Far…

Cats Allways Want The Things They Can’t Have

cat decision tree

evil cats stealing our food
What’s This Shit? That’s Not Salmon!
Evil cats eating our food
Extra Anchovies, Just Like I Ordered!
Evil cats being evil
It’s Mine Now, Mathafaka!
Oh, You Was Planning to Eat That?

Cats Always go in Places You Don’t Want Them To

Evil cat in christmas tree
It’s a long Story, Just Pull Please…
evil cats doing evil things
Death From Above!
Not a Fan of This at All
evil cats destroying things
Tee Hee!

So what is your opinion, is your cat also a major dick or just cute as a button? Be sure to let me know by leaving a comment below 🙂



  1. Okay girly, I have been raised with cats. And now that I am 33 I have learned that they are totally different if your the one getting the food and the water every morning instead of somebody else. LOL. Trust me, you will find out the difference when you become the adult provider!

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